Monday Funday

Here is a list of things that I don't like right now:

1) Christmas decorations out before Thanksgiving-- I'm sorry, I love Christmas and all, but I don't feel the need to start having panic attacks over how much I'm about to spend a full six weeks before the actual holiday.  Plus, Thanksgiving has less and less street cred lately.  Give it a chance to be a standalone event and it might surprise us. 

(Case in point-- a turkey dressed as Santa.  You did not see that coming)

2) TV shows that have out-complicated themselves-- If I can't watch the 40 second "previously on (insert show)" and remember what your show is about, TOO MUCH IS GOING ON.  I shouldn't have to watch an hour-long recap to jog my memory as to all of the story lines you have going on.  Yes LOST, I'm mostly talking to you.  Tie up some loose ends already.  And coming back in February?  Is this a joke?

3) People that move slowly in New York-- Listen people.  Do you think I get PLEASURE from awkwardly pacing myself between a slow crawl and a half sprint on the sidewalk just so I can get around you?  I'm moving with what can only be described as an ambulatory stutter in order to get away from you. I'm sorry that your life is so meaningless that you can just Eeyore around this city, but I have places to go.  Screaming a continuous chant of "are you fucking kidding me?!" in my head on my way to and from work every day is not my idea of a good time.  Pick up the pace.

4) Things called "light" that are actually just "less"-- I recently purchased some "lite" bread.  I don't know why, but I did.  Anyway, I opened the package at home to find out that the individual slices of bread were about 2/3 the size of a regular slice, and maybe 15-20% thinner.  That's not healthier, that's just smaller.  If I wanted help with portion control, I'd just consume less of what I already have.

5) The heat, my GOD the heat-- I have never lived in and have rarely ever visited a New York apartment that didn't attempt to suffocate it's occupants over the winter.  I understand that the NYC Department of Housing mandates that all buildings must have heat from October 1 to May 31, however maybe we need to get some specifications on as to what an appropriate temperature IS for indoors.  I don't want to come home everyday and wonder if there are going to be naked, old, Eastern European men in my living room getting a good sweat. 

6) The look my family gives me when I eat Nutella with a spoon-- First of all, I tell my parents not to buy it for me.  To quote Edward Cullen describing the scent of Bella's blood, "it's like my own personal brand of heroin."  But since they insist on "treating me" (which I do appreciate), stop judging how I choose to consume it.  Why should I have to put it on a cookie or a slice of bread to eat it if it's the only thing I want to eat?  Why waste the calories?   I don't want to have to put up the front of having a snack when all I want is a taste.  Stop the charade!

7) Beyonce's song "Beautiful Nightmare"-- It's just not good.  She's better than that, I'm better than that.  Take that crap off the radio already.