Two things I'm considering: lesbianism and convents. The only drawback is I'm not much a fan of women. I love the friends I have and wouldn't trade them for the world, however when it would come time to meet more women, I'm just not sure I could rally.
(Even Maria realized she needed a little
sumpin-sumpin from Captain VonTrapp)
Actually, when it comes time to meeting new anyone I seriously doubt my motivation. I'm not great with change. This could be why I loathe moving, take the end of relationships so hard, and only ever half-assed look for a new job. However, I just realized that I have experienced three terrible heartbreaks in my current office, and have concluded that it's time to end whatever shitty karma I have here and move onto a new career...if for no other reason than to hopefully meet a new kind of man.
I need a new kind of man because the old kind I've been dating just isn't working out. At the end of the day my last three boyfriends have been vastly different in every conceivable way, yet all suffered from the same debilitating problem: Peter Pan Syndrome. I swear to GOD that if I come across one more case of the I-Don't-Wanna-Grow-Ups, I'll try and sum up the energy for one of the two options I threw out there earlier. I mean, where do intelligent fully-grown thirty-something year old men with degrees from top schools, happily married parents and close-knit siblings, and fulfilling careers get off saying they're not ready for a committed relationship? My friends don't mind hanging out with me, watching movies, grabbing dinner, or calling me. And they don't even get to have sex with me afterwards.
To this end, I have a proposition. Men who are not ready to be in mature relationships shouldn't look like mature men. If you want to behave like my boyfriend when I was 17, you should look 17. I should see you on the street and think to myself, "that is a cute 17 year old boy. But he is only 17. He is not for me." And then I should keep walking and move on with my life. I should not, under any circumstances, hear you talk about marrying me, go on a trip with you, visit your childhood home to meet your mom...twice, have drinks with your siblings, meet all of your friends, see your baby pictures, accompany you to a wedding, and spend anywhere between six and 15 months with you before you decide that you don't want to be in a relationship. And, at no point in time, should you pursue me relentlessly for months on end before I cave to the greater good and settle down with you.
While women rule the world, we let men take the reins maybe three times in life. One of these times is at the beginning of relationships. To quote my wise, wise cousin, we take 99.9% of our cues about a relationship from the man. So why oh why do men take relationships to a certain level, coast there for a month or two, then decide that they're not ready for it? Had they not stepped things up to where they are, we wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Don't have me stop dating other people if you just got your emotional drivers license.
Oh. And I hate watching football games when I'm not a fan of either team. I was being nice.
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