Really? Really.

There's just something about the holidays that makes you stop and think...and feel pretty bad for yourself.  Nothing makes you ponder every single life choice you've made over the past year like explaining them in detail to all of your family members.  It's like suddenly your job, your love life, your living situation, even your wardrobe choices, are under a microscope.

I love judging though.  The past 24 hours in particular, I've scrutinized my own decisions and then moved on to those of ex-boyfriends...because...why not?  I'd like to share a few of those thoughts with you in the style of the following:

LE.  Really.  Thirty-one and unsure about being in a relationship?  Really?  You tell me you'd never want to screw up what we have and then you leave me in the rain...in the dark...on the street...alone...while you get high?  Really??  I'd possibly classify that as "screwing up" on my relationship barometer.  Then EMAIL me to say you didn't mean to ruin my Halloween by breaking up?  Really? And right when you're about to have a two month break from work and your travel plans fell through with your friends and we were supposed to go away together?  Really?  Then two weeks later you confide in the mutual acquaintance that initially set us up and say you'd like to call and see how I'm doing...so you don't feel guilty.  Really?  Really.  Because THAT wouldn't get back to me.  Really.  Then you're on gchat for the past two hours and don't say Happy Thanksgiving?  Really? Good to hear from you.  Really.  Which is better because I don't know how I would've handled that rationally after a bottle of wine.  Really. But I can see how much you care.  Really.

And EB.  Your birthday's coming up.  Really.  Since you texted AND called on my birthday, now I feel obligated to contact you and wish you a Happy Birthday.  When I don't particularly mean it.  Really.  You tortured me and dragged things out for two months after we broke up.  Really.  I could kinda care less if you have a fantastic day or not.  Really.  I also have next to no desire to talk to you, but feel like NOT contacting you now would be a statement.  Really. 

Onto men I've dated recently.  None of you are picking up on my minimal interest?  Really?  I like going out and I like drinking.  I also don't mind when someone else pays for those two things.  Really.  So when I say "I had a great time, sure let's do this again," I'm referring more to the part where I go out and drink and you pay for it than the part where I actually do it WITH you.  Really.  And my vague responses to your texts?  I'm not being coy, I'm seeing if better plans come along in the meantime.  Really.  Also, what the hell happened to CALLING someone if you liked them?  Really.  A text? Really?  Man, you must be smitten.  Let me rearrange my calendar to have more stilted conversations with you in person because you can't even be bothered to have one with me on the phone first.  Really.

I'm being 80% facetious in this post.  (not) Really.