Ex Files

Welp, LE got back to town from his business trip last night and despite spending most of his day signed into gchat, has yet to contact me. I have a feeling you're less surprised by this than I am.

But LE aside...well, fuck that. There is no "aside" today. There's "in addition to" though, that'll work... I've also wasted two hours running around town for a job interview that wound up not meaning much of anything.

Just like all of the men in my love life, the owner of a large midtown firm begged me to come in--had to had to had to see me today-- and just like I always respond, I hesitated, thought better of it, then caved and went in. Just like all of the men of my love life, he kept me waiting; hanging around until I started setting arbitrary personal deadlines ("if he doesn't come out in 8 minutes/by 4:45/with a huge apology") for standing up for myself and leaving. Just like I always respond though, I waited around until beckoned and then went happily scurrying along. Just like all of the men of my love life, he decided that I was too good for the job and said he wasn't doing himself any favors by telling me this, but just felt like he should. Just like I always do, I said no, I'm probably not as great as you think I am, keep me around, give me a shot to show off my mediocrity. Just like every time though, we both knew I was lying, he was right, and I wanted better. Just like all of the men of my love life, once he had me there, he didn't know what to do with me, realized it was a mistake to ask me to come, figured out that I should've been meeting with someone else, had little to say to me, and then sent me on my way. And just like I always react, I left in a huff, was annoyed, and then bitched about it to everyone else.

My, how history repeats itself.

(Guns from WWI and WWII. I see no difference. Am I blind to similarity?)

I think somehow my shitty love life karma has become knotted up in my shitty work life karma, and it's taken me an embarrassingly long time to see the patterns that are right in front of my eyes...hideously mismatched and longing to be re-styled. How do I do some kind of existential wardrobe exorcism? I've been wearing this same look for quite a while now, and it might be time to try on something new.