I want more.
(This very, very first sentence speaks to my heart.)
This has become my theme song. I'm so restless right now! It's scorching all summer and I'm dying for relief on my commute; now it's so cold I can barely walk from my apartment to the subway entrance. I'm not busy at work and just sitting in my office hanging out, bored, watching the minutes tick by. I'm so busy at work I have no time to just hang out in my office. I hate my job, but haven't looked for another one for weeks. I want to cut back on my coffee consumption so instead I'm a grumpy bum all morning. I want BB to move a little closer to me but I don't want him to sign a lease that might prohibit us from moving forward. I'm hungry for lunch but I wait an hour and half to eat, deciding what I want. I'm not hungry for dinner but I cook a huge meal and eat it all. I'm tired but I go to the gym. After I eat some Smartfood Popcorn (nectar of the Gods). BB keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I have no answer, then wonder why didn't he get me something for Hanukkah. I don't feel like talking to anyone, but why is there nobody online? I straightened my hair and it's too long. I open a bottle of wine but it's not a variety I like. I want to send back my Netflix but am not watching the DVD that came. I drag a hungover BB out in the freezing cold for a walk then complain my feet hurt from my shoes and my ears are so cold I'm getting a headache. Saturday I'm going on a Santa-themed bar crawl, but can't decide on if I want to be an elf or a Ms. Claus-type, finally determining that I'll be whichever one I can throw together a costume for out of things I already own. Then I go online to buy one. I'm so tired of all of my work clothes I can barely get dressed in the mornings, then I purchase a new party dress. I'm tired of staring at my computer screen all day at work and then I come home and pop open my laptop. My mom wants to have people over for the holidays and I'm annoyed she's doing it on Christmas Eve. BB and I get it on and then I'm mad we don't get it on twice. I want everything and nothing and to close my bedroom door and crawl into bed alone to read and I want to curl up with BB and watch a movie.
There's just been no pleasing me lately. I even legitimately want to write this entry right now but keep getting distracted by something else. (Seriously...I started this last week. Oh my God, then even in the middle of that sentence I just thought to myself, "I wonder if there's a new episode of 'Always Sunny' on Hulu I could watch," and then clicked open a new tab to check.) I think I have serious PMS and am just desperately waiting for some relief so I can move on with my life. Either that or I'm having a mid-20s meltdown.
And when I say mid-20s, I actually mean late-20s. Fuck.
There's just been no pleasing me lately. I even legitimately want to write this entry right now but keep getting distracted by something else. (Seriously...I started this last week. Oh my God, then even in the middle of that sentence I just thought to myself, "I wonder if there's a new episode of 'Always Sunny' on Hulu I could watch," and then clicked open a new tab to check.) I think I have serious PMS and am just desperately waiting for some relief so I can move on with my life. Either that or I'm having a mid-20s meltdown.
And when I say mid-20s, I actually mean late-20s. Fuck.
