Seemed.
(I'm gonna have to say the start of my problems is probably that
this is Craig's List and not mine. My list would be way better.)
The first position to catch my eye was Nude Female Art Model. It's art-- it's gotta be tasteful! I don't have a boyfriend to be uncomfortable with it or hold me back, it's practically go-time. Unfortunately though, it only pays $12/hr. Considering my financial hardship has cut into my waxing budget, it might take a little more than that to get me naked. Also, my crippling self-image might throw a wrench in the whole "sitting naked in front of a stranger without moving for three to four hours at a time" thing.
Something I could do with more clothes on-- a LOT more clothes-- is part time Urine Specimen Collector. I kid you not, this is an actual advertisement on Craigslist right now. It's "as needed", so that fits very well into my schedule of not really wanting to work even one job. Also, the only requirements are that I speak English and have access to a computer. If you're reading my blog, you already know that I'm qualified. Though, I waaaas thinking more along the lines of handling alcohol than handling bodily fluids...
While I'm using my computer and speaking English though, I could apply for the Writer/Editor at the United Nations. I'm professional (I show up here every day, don't I?), I'm self-motivated (I'm pretty sure I'm the only person reading this blog), I like totally think we should get rid of global poverty (read like Cher from Clueless), I have knowledge of HTML (if by "knowledge of HTML" they mean lifting pictures from Google Images and pasting them elsewhere)-- I'm clearly the total package! Now do I send them the post I wrote about getting shitfaced at a jazz club with the Man (I'm cultural!), the one where I say how I hate Brooklyn and rarely, if ever, go there (I'm well-traveled!), or the article about taking shots with the bartender on the awful date where I end the night taking sexual-advantage of the guy who hates half-Jews (I'm tolerant!)? So many to choose from...
What about the part time Piano Teacher? I took lessons...15 years ago. You only need to know more than the students though, right? I don't have be an "expert". I'd try out to be a Wine Enthusiast if it wasn't in Queens. Remember how much I dislike the BK? I've never even BEEN to Queens outside of an airport. Math Tutor? I have a calculator! Selling a stress management guide? Hm, might be more believable if my blood pressure didn't shoot up 65 points since yesterday afternoon's mail run...Handy Man? I painted my bedroom. My old roommate had a hammer. I could fake it probably. Part time Microbiologist? Actually, no. I could not fake that.
Oh lordy. This might be harder than I thought.
If I started charging admission to this site, would anyone come?
Kidding! I know you wouldn't. But by all means...continue to feast your minds on the fruits of my labor while my wallet atrophies in my overpriced handbag.
It's time to start getting advertisements on this blog...nothing like a little residual income! I've already told all my friends about it, who have probably told a few of theirs, and the list goes on...I'm sure you could make a quick pitch to "Trojan Condoms" and even maybe Israel will pay to put it's flag (maybe half the flag??) on the background of the page...hey...it could happen!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thank you. I thought about doing that, but then felt bad having my readers harassed by ads. But you're right, I have to get on it!
ReplyDelete