Last night was my personal deadline for hearing from #2. I knew that if at the end of a week AND a weekend he had absolutely nothing to say to me, he wasn't thinking things over...he was not thinking about me at all. And so I move, onward and upward to bigger and better things!
(Technically though, I already live on the East Side...)
Unfortunately, my version of "movin' on up" is not as good as other people's. For example, yesterday EB told me an amazing story about a girl he knows who had dated a friend of his for a while. Lady X was on vacation with her boyfriend (a couple of year's post-EB's friend) and some of their friends at a resort in Cancun. EB said she was a cute girl, but nothing amazing, definitely not a stunner. One afternoon, she approached the pool bar and ordered some drinks. A few stools away, GEORGE FUCKING CLOONEY looks her over and says "You know my private plane is waiting. We can get out of here...go anywhere in the world we want." (Can I just interrupt myself here to comment on what a fantastically pimp pickup line that is? Sigh. Swoon.) And she figured she had about 1/2 a second to make the biggest decision of her life. She said "Let's go" and ran off with GFC, texting her friends from the tarmac "I'll explain later." They dated for three months and when you google her name, pictures of her and GFC still come up all over.
Now to me, this was an obvious move. When I told EB "Duh, of course she went with him. I don't care WHO you're with-- if George Clooney propositions you, you get on it! I don't care if you're on vacation with Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, the whole goddamn cast of Ocean's Eleven, Twelve, AND Thirteen, you drop those guys and you take George's hand and you RUN," he had the nerve to look totally surprised! "Are you serious?" he asked me. "Of course I am!" I replied. But when I looked up at him and saw his face, looking almost hurt about it, I backtracked and said "Well, I mean, obviously it depends on who you're with and how into him you are." He asked if I could have ever done that to anyone and I told him it would have depended upon who I was in Cancun with. (Seeing as no one's ever even bothered to take me to Cancun, I have clearly only dated men worthy of being left cruely and abruptly for famous movie stars.) He pressed, I hemmed and hawed for a block. Finally he asked if I could've done that to him when we were on vacation in the Caribbean a couple of summers back and I said "No, I couldn't have. I was crazy about you."
Clearly, I was lying. EB who??
Anyway, I'm moving on up on a date with a guy who works in finance (in New York? Shocking!) that I met at a bar on Thursday night. Through my vodka haze, I seem to recall him being good-looking (though the sun was setting and I wasn't wearing my contacts), and I think we talked for about 10 minutes while I desperately clawed at my friend's dress in hopes that she'd stop her own conversation with his friend and rescue me. When she didn't, I just gave him my number instead. When he texted this afternoon and asked if he could take me out for margaritas tomorrow, my two biggest weaknesses-- drinking and other people paying for it-- kicked in. I quickly agreed, and now off we go!
My chariot awaits, I'm sure.
The crazy thing is, I know myself so well, that I've already predicted everything about this. I'll be in no mood to actually be out on a date with anyone yet, but will go because in my twisted mind, this somehow sticks it to #2 for disappearing (as I do recall a couple of weeks back when the big talk began that he said the thought of me with anyone was else was "unbearable" to him, and while he couldn't give me 100%, he couldn't risk losing me either. Obviously, that tune has changed.). I will drink and have a decent-enough time because he is certainly a decent-enough guy, but will most likely be a little caustic and sarcastic to attempt to turn him off from liking me and ever calling again. Number of times this has ever been successful? 0. Number of times it has guaranteed someone becomes my shadow and thinks I'm just so cute and funny that they wind up texting me all of the time and wanting to make plans again soon? 100%. However, I am a crazy person, and the definition of a crazy person is someone who does the same thing over and over and expects different results. Maybe I'm like the Mad Scientist of the Dating World-- who's to say? But back to the trajectory of this short-lived affair. I will aggressively blow off Senor Margaritas in my usual fashion for the next two to three weeks, seeing him perhaps on one or two more occasions during this time period. Each time I will immediately regret having agreed to the date, spend the entire day-of hating the thought of being out with him later, and then actually having a somewhat decent time, only to repeat the blowing-off cycle once more until I finally just give up altogether and cease responding to him. I will feel oddly both relieved and guilty about this.
Boy, then I get mad when guys treat me like shit. Karma's a bitch.
So, I suppose, let the games begin!
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