Idea! I Just Met A Girl Named Idea!

Sooooo, on a scale of "1 to OMFG KILL YOURSELF" how bad is it that my knee-jerk reaction to Senor Margarita's Facebook picture was "Is that Michele Tanner"??

I'm thinking pretty bad.  Though in my defense, I've never seen someone with such white teeth and such long, dark, curly hair before that DIDN'T look feminine.  Christ.  So...that's how my date was.

(I think I looked slightly less shocked)

I mean, it wasn't BAD or anything.  On the contrary he was quite nice, had an awesome body (from what I could tell from under his, gulp, ridiculously tight t-shirt), is intelligent, and gainfully-employed.  The problem is just that tonight, of all nights, I realized that no matter how much I like or dislike a guy, I need to institute a "two-drink-rule".  This is much like the two drink rule that you find at most comedy clubs-- except that instead of a minimum, it's a maximum.  That, and my life is much less entertaining than a comedy club.  This rule is actually being put in place to ensure that I DON'T find everything a guy says to be funny and do NOT want to give him a "standing ovation" at the end of the evening.  I mean, on my first date with #2 we drank 10 margaritas each.  The fact that only my heart hurts right now is really just a testament to the awesome healing powers of nature.

The problem is that I actually kind of like drinking...and if I'm drinking with someone else who also kind of likes drinking, my pleasure is increased two-fold and I could keep going and going until one of us (rarely ever me) tires of that activity.  A boy friend of mine recently put it best:  "[Goose&Bull], you live in New York because you like to drink and party and kiss boys and stay out until all hours of the night; this is only possible in New York.  You also want to get married and settle down; this is only possible everywhere besides New York.  You can't have your cake and eat it too."  (Shout out!  Shout out!)

Undergrad Male Friend, you are totally right.  You know how I know this?  My insane/wise (insanely wise?) 82 year-old grandmother agrees with you.  For the umpteenth time she not only told me that I was never going to meet a man in New York City (upon hearing how #2 has everything in common with LE who has everything in common with EB who has everything...you get the picture), but that I'm "almost 27 and need to get it together".  Bubbie, you are correct.  You say that you're not just talking about men, and I agree.  You say that I need to figure out what I want out of a job, out of life, and you're right.  You want me to find someone who, as my darling cousin (and your other darling granddaughter) puts it "has their shit together", and you couldn't be more spot-on.

I have no fucking clue what I'm doing in any area of my life.  You caught me.

(Shrug.)

But, you have raised an interesting and thought-provoking point.  "The unexamined life is not worth living."  Someone way more intense (and most likely sober) than myself said this.  Maybe it was Thoreau in Walden's Woods, maybe it wasn't.  It's almost midnight on Tuesday so damned if I know.  Anyway, I have taken this advice to heart.  I am going to start an introspective examination of my life over the next six weeks, leading up to my 27th birthday, by talking about each man I've slept with (a number I may or may not be ashamed of revealing here so it will only be told in time-- stay tuned!) .  Obviously I anticipate days where I won't write or days where I have something more interesting to talk about than my old coital partners, but either way, I'm going to "tell all" here by the end of my 26th year.  This means taking the opportunity to dissect each of these men and what attracted me to them in the first place, our courtship (if any), why it ended, and what I learned from the situation.  I truly believe that every relationship comes with a lesson and that hopefully the lesson is always different (otherwise you didn't really learn it the first time).

Prepare to be astounded--nay--flabbergasted!  Alright, or just mildly entertained.

Your guess is as good as mine.