OK you got me, no, not a "mistake" because I'm not on here to talk about mistakes, I'm on here to talk about what I've learned. It's just unfortunate that you learn a lot more from things that fail miserably because I'd much rather learn things from doing them correctly, once. But I am, sadly enough, on the Thomas Edison path to relationship enlightenment. To roughly paraphrase him, "I haven't failed; I've just found 1,000 ways not to do it." So everyone, if you're looking for ways to not settle down, call me Master Miyagi. And please, learn my lessons.
(Wouldn't it be great if that was your reality?)
I met T second semester my freshman year when my roommate invited him to stop by our dorm room to meet me. She actually also introduced me to the first guy I slept with as well, and considering the way that went and what you're about to hear about this guy, it won't surprise you at all to find out she's completely insane and wound up locking me out of our room in the middle of the night to pack up all of her things and move out. This was fantastic for me because growing up as an only girl, sharing things has never come totally natural to me. (Wow, recurring theme in my relationships: Does not play well with others.) But I digress. Back to T.
I liked him immediately; thought he was cute instantly and the feelings were mutual. We had a great freshman year together (for the most part), I was heartbroken when we left for the summer, he came to visit over the Fourth of July, we broke up, got back to school and got back together, then continued to follow that on-again/off-again pattern with some realllllly shitty times thrown in for good fun throughout that school year. (And yes yes, I dated other guys in the meantime that will come up soon.) However after returning to school Junior year, it became apparent that he wasn't the same anymore. He was always a little crazy (hey-- keeps ya on your toes!) but he took a turn to Psychoville. After I officially ended it he tried hooking up with my sorority sisters so it'd get back to me (succeeding with one rather unfortunate number), he IMed me constantly until I blocked him, and then he proceeded to make up new screen names and tell me he'd never be able to be blocked. I had to eventually change my screenname and would walk home from my night class (Astronomy lab) afraid he was going to jump out of the bushes. By the time I left for study abroad, I didn't look back.
Senior year we managed to largely stay out of one another's way (and by "we" I mean "me")...until I got a phone call from him one random winter night asking for directions. Because he was driving around by my parents' house. Because he was interviewing for jobs in the area. Because he thought I'd be moving home after graduation. This definitely threw me. I told him no, not to look for jobs there, it was over. The next time I saw him out, he told me he was engaged to his high school girlfriend. Now at this point I'd already been left for the high school girlfriend by my first guy, so that news was especially harsh. The time after that, he admitted he lied about the time before because he was mad at me. I was 21 and decided the appropriate response to this was to allow him to come home with me. We didn't even kiss and I immediately regretted it the next morning as I threw him out, but not nearly as much as I'd go on to regret it later.
He started calling and emailing again, despite my resistance. I guess I'd taught him that persistence pays off and I always cave, so it was my own damn fault. After we graduated though, it got worse. He phoned me with increasing frequency at all hours of the day and night. It got to the point where my mother told me that my options were taking out a restraining order against him or having my father call him. Both of those scared the shit out of me, so I chose door number three-- changing my phone number and email address. Doing this within weeks of graduating college is hands-down the best way of losing touch with 95% of the people you just spent the last four years of your life with. If you're looking to fall off of the grid, I highly suggest it.
However, I'd finally learned my lesson: Sometimes things just have to be over. Breakups are hard and both people are always going to walk away a little bruised, but it's only my job to look after myself. Plus, when there's a will there's a way. A few weeks ago when Facebook updated their security settings, many people's were lost, mine included. I didn't even know they'd been changed for the day or two they were down until I got an email from him...out of the blue...almost five years after our last contact. But, I finally got it. I didn't respond and I blocked him. (Insert "brushing hands off" motion here.)
Therefore to recap:
Lesson 1) Secrets secrets are no fun; secrets secretes hurt someone.
Lesson 2) When things are over, there's no need to play nice.
Check.
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