I'm sitting on my terrace, warm early-spring sun shining down on me, sipping wine, and listening to the live jazz band playing down on the street for the restaurant below. It would be one of those scenes where the camera would either pan up to me or down to musicians, but either way upon seeing said film, I'd scoff to myself and think "yeah, like that ever happens here"; but it does, every Sunday. Granted not every Sunday am I home or drinking wine and relaxing in the late afternoon sun, but today I am. And today, unlike my normal life, was more this-kind-of-thing-never-happens-to-me/out-of-body-and-character-experience than usual.
(I have no idea what this movie's about, but I bet at some point
people listen to jazz and drink wine...right?)
It's hard for me to fathom that just last Sunday at this time, everything between 2 and I was fine. Granted I wasn't thrilled while he painted on his deck and I looked on, but I was pretty crazy about him nonetheless. It's harder for me to fathom that just eight days ago we spent a perfect day having sex, lounging and laughing, showering, brunching, shopping, and visiting the Central Park Zoo. I guess that was kind of a "movie moment" day too, complete with kissing on the subway and taking silly pictures of one another around town. It's almost impossible for me to believe that three Sundays ago, 2 met a friend and I at the park and hung out, then he and I went back to his place and ate cheese and drank wine, watched a movie together, and then I laid on his bed while he played his guitar for me. So many movie moments, so little time.
Thursday I was talking to my mother on the phone when she asked me if I wanted to come home this weekend since one of my brothers would be in town. I said I didn't know and she stopped herself and back-tracked-- "oh, well wait, I guess you wouldn't come home if you're going to [2]'s event on Saturday" she said, referring to his black-tie fraternity alumni mixer that he'd asked me attend. I told her that as it was Thursday and I hadn't spoken with him since I called him on Monday and he said he needed some time to think, I was assuming I wasn't going. "But didn't you tell him you were? I thought he still wanted you to...", she said. Well, I said I'd go before we talked on Sunday, and yeah on Monday he still wanted me to come but judging by the radio silence, I'm not. "Well you're assuming you're not going because you haven't heard from him, he could very well be assuming you ARE going because you said you would...I don't think you should assume anything, I think you should check in with him immediately since it's already Thursday." OK, she had a point.
When I hung up with her, I texted him exactly what she'd dictated to me: "Hi. Wondering if you still wanted me to go with you on Saturday. If you've made other plans that's fine, just let me know." Forty-five minutes passed before I got the following back: "Sorry, crazy rushing for board meeting so can't write right now. I told fraternity I'm not coming a few days ago, so prob not at this point. I want to talk to u soon though, goal is not to have u disappear from my life etc. if u don't want to." Now what's his definition of "soon"? I have no idea. It's obviously not within the next THREE DAYS. However, to be fair, everyone has different perceptions of time. For example, my high school biology teacher, while we were studying evolution, said that maybe the earth waaaas made in seven days, but that if God is around for eternity, who knows how long one of his days are? And while I like to jokingly say that I was born three weeks late and am still running behind, I mean more like five minutes late than the hours and hours that 2 lags. Actually, 2 seems to run closer to "God Time" than "human time". One day we were supposed to get brunch and instead wound up having dinner at 8:30PM. Maybe when he said he wanted to talk to me soon he just meant one day, before we both die in +/- 60 years. I don't know. What I DO know however, is that if he didn't mean it all, then he shouldn't have said it.
So, eight hours later I was quite drunk and texted him back "...OK, let me know". And now you're up to speed.
Anyway, before I got all side-tracked filling you in on 2, I was having a movie moment on my deck after a perfectly wonderful afternoon with EB. That's right, today was our big day.
We met up around 1PM for lunch at a restaurant near my apartment. The weather was perfect, my outfit was expertly planned (you know-- appearing effortlessly put together and chic with very little thought, except it required four hours of shopping, another hour at a friend's apartment tearing through her closet, a mani/pedi, and a healthy amount of tan-from-a-bottle), and he looked older. Score: me 1, EB 0. He didn't look bad...just older. I can't describe it. Well, I guess I just did. So I was nervous at first, but as always, our conversation was smooth and easy. We caught up on the past year-- in more detail than our two prior conversations had allowed-- and laughed and smiled a lot. It felt good to see him; really good.
Lunch passed quickly and after the check was paid he looked at me seriously, like he was hurt and nervous and had something to say. "Thank you for coming today," he said. "Well, I know that you like to be friends with all of your ex-girlfriends," I gently teased. He looked at me and his face said that no, that's not why he asked me to get together. "I've felt terrible about how things ended between us," he said. "I didn't set out to be a bad guy, but I know that's how I came off to you and I've felt horrible about all of the awful things that were said. You're one of my favorite people. I'm sorry." It was said so tenderly, so sincerely, that all I could do was place my hand on his cheek and smile. All was forgiven. It was perfect and I couldn't have scripted it better myself.
We spent the next couple of hours walking around the city, over to Brooklyn and back, talking and cracking each other up. It was perfect weather, perfect city views, and perfect company. It's always special when you can reconnect with an old friend and that's what EB has become, an old friend. All those feelings and all that passion is gone, and now there's just a nice connection between us. After this past week, I needed this even more than I realized.
When we parted ways, we both said it was great to see the other. He said maybe we could talk a little more, get together again sometime when he was in town (he no longer lives here--> news to me today). I said that'd be nice. And so, I finally have the closure I needed on that chapter of my life. I am at peace.
One man has apologized, and I couldn't ask for more. Well, except that hopefully others will follow suit shortly...
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