I'm kidding I'm kidding. I'm not always single. Anyway, I pretend I'm writing to an audience of myself because as you all know, the world revolves around me, so it's just easier. In assuming this though, I also assume that When Harry Met Sally is your favoritest movie ever and you can quote the entire thing back to front and front to back without missing a beat, just like myself. (If you can't, start practicing. I believe in pop quizzes.) So to you, fellow WHMS fans, I pose the following query: why don't we give Sleepless in Seattle more credit for being one of the All-time Greatest Breakup Recovery Movies of All Time? (I know I said "all time" twice, that's how good the movie is.)
(American Dodgeball Association of America)
We've all been in both of the main characters' shoes. Meg Ryan/Annie is in this great relationship that she really wants to work because all the pieces are there, but they just don't fit right. She forces it to death. Tom Hanks/Sam is getting over his wife's death, who was the absolute love of his life. He's trying to pick up the pieces and move forward. And then...somewhere in the middle there...Sam and Annie fall in love. We're all struggling for this middle!
Sam: Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breath in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breath in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.
Who among us hasn't had that heart-crushing, sleep-destroying, overpowering, all-consuming break-up? (None of us, we're talking about me for chrissake. Keep up.) When you wake up in the morning and ...remember...and die a little inside. When you go to bed at night and lie there awake, or graciously realize that you're too exhausted to go over every detail of the relationship and can just fall asleep. When you fantasize about running into him or getting back together or telling him off. And once you survive it, you know you can survive everything. You know you had it great and perfect for a while, but thankfully memories fade, and the pain of the break-up can't last forever.
Annie Reed: Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was...
Becky: A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.
Becky's so right. I doooo want to be in love in a movie! Popular culture is single-handedly responsible for every unhappy relationship I've ever had. The main problem with movies and books though is that most of them are written BY women FOR women. We're making up our own ideal world to show off to other women and make them feel bad about their reality. (Why bitches always gotta be hatin' on otha bitches?) Oh, that and THEY'RE FICTION. I have a hard time remembering this. I even saw The Princess and The Frog this weekend and got annoyed with the Frog/Prince. He was juuuuust like every man I've dated in New York-- cocky, a little sexist, a little patronizing, totally in love with himself. And yes this was a Disney cartoon and yes it's based on a fairy tale, but it still just really hit home and I wanted to smoosh the little amphibian under a rock. But then, THEN (sigh), when he changed for her, became what she needed AND made her a princess, I was jealous. I'm 26 years old and was jealous of a pretend two-dimensional woman who had spent the last hour as a frog.
Sam Baldwin: Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Jonah Baldwin: You wouldn't let me!
Sam: Well I saw it and it scared the shit out of me. It scared the shit out of every man in America.
Sometimes though, I'm afraid the reverse is true for men. Do the same movies that inspire us (and I'm not saying Fatal Attraction is our inspiration here) intimidate them? Are we watching PS I Love You and thinking how romantic it is and that's exactly what we want our man to be and they're sitting next to us watching and thinking how ridiculous and unrealistic it is and how they'll never ever do that? I mean, in a perfect world my gorgeous Irish husband doesn't die of mysterious "cancer" (brain cancer? Do they ever say?) before the age of 35, but a girl can dream can't she?
Co-Worker: It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40!
Annie: That statistic is not true!
Becky: That's right it's not true, but it feels true.
Is this why it's so hard to meet good men though? Because what we consider "good men" and what men and reality consider "good men" are two totally different concepts. We want a guy that looks like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall, charms us like George Clooney in Oceans Eleven/Twelve/Fort-Five, makes us laugh like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally, loves us like Gerard Butler in PS I Love You, dances suggestively with us like Channing Tatum in Step Up, sings to us like Zac Efron in Hairspray, has the testosterone of Bruce Willis in...everything he does, drinks with us like Seth Rogen in Knocked Up, seduces us like Olivier Martinez in Unfaithful, showers us with gifts like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman...I mean how hard could this be? He's gooootta live in New York! There's like four million men around. My criteria aren't outrageous. Just a run-of-the-mill "good guy".
I can't settle though. I won't. We're going to keep our chins high and march on! Because, I mean, even Walter gets it (and he doesn't get Annie in the end):
Walter: Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it.
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