Please Accept Our Apologies

Oh good god.

I am huuuuuuuuuungover.

It's a shame too, because I have a busy schedule planned for work today: let my eyes glaze over and read Perez for a while, take an hour-long walk since it's nice out, eat some pizza for lunch, catch up on Glee on Hulu.  Oh, and to top it all off, I have to re-write this blog.  How ever shall I get this all done now?  I mean, I'd been planning to get out of here by 4PM.

Ah yes, REwrite.  I wrote something last night when I stumbled home in a state that puts even the drunkest bum to shame.  If any of you managed to read it for the four hours it was up while I was passed the eff out, forgive me.  For those of you who missed it, consider yourselves lucky.  In short, I hyperlinked to the new John Mayer song five times (yes, five. I was "five times John Mayer drunk"-- a new level of drunk that did not exist anywhere in the world before my adventures last night) and said something along the lines of Tiger Woods's wife deserving to kick his butt, but in much dirtier language.  Nice.  Luckily I woke up this morning with that OH SHIT! feeling, jumped out of bed, and deleted the post ASAP.  To quote friend three again, that would've been the ultimate drunk text.

In lieu of that post though, I'll just fill you in on what I'm up to:

Firstly, I hurt my neck.  Yesterday I sneezed and I don't know what I did, but it's killing me.  Can that even happen?  I mean, I was dead-drunk last night and STILL kept waking up to shift positions because I was in so much pain.  Anyway, just wanted to bitch about that for a minute.

Secondly, I'm sure you're wondering hoooow I got so trashed.  Well, I had a second date with Buffalo Bill.  I swear I would've written about it sooner but it was a last-minute thing-- I promise!  He thought he was going to have to work late, then decided he didn't really want to and took me out instead.  When he had emailed me after our last date to say that he had a good time and wanted to go out again after Thanksgiving, I called him out on not seeming at all interested in me.  He said that was absolutely not the case and I decided to give him another chance to really shower me with affection and compliments.  Also, I knew our mutual friend had given him a talking-to and I was curious to see the results.

BB pulled through on the first count, however compliments were a little lacking for my taste.  I mean, woo me for chrissake!  Telling me I'm beautiful might not get you into my pants, but it certainly won't keep you out.  Anyway, we had dinner and then went to a bar, and as we were heading to another bar he pulled me towards him under the umbrella and kissed me.  I'm sure that this seems so romantical-- kissing in the rain in New York after sharing a bottle of wine (and the better part of eight beers at second bar), but in my head it was panic-inducing.  The first thought to come through was, "oh great.  Now I'll have to go out with him one more time."  Don't get me wrong, last night was the first date that should've been.  I had just also been thinking it should've been our last date.  The second thought to come to mind was "noooooooo!"  I forgot how weird it is to kiss someone new.  And I know what you're thinking, what about the Man and Hamptons Guy?  Well, technically I'd made out with Hamptons Guy before and I already knew the Man.  It was weird kissing him too, don't get me wrong, it just didn't ever have any potential to beeee anything due to various geographical constraints and what have you, so it didn't hit home quite like kissing Buffalo did.  However he was a good kisser so it's not like it was painful.

Overall the date went well.  He spared no expense, which I like.  It's important to me to date a man who has no trouble spending his money because if we get married, I won't have any trouble spending it either.  Marriage is about teamwork, and it's good to know we're on the same team finance-wise right from the beginning.  The conversation was pleasant and fun and I'm sure I enjoyed myself, just...something was missing.  I'm fairly certain it was his sense of humor.  By all means he's funny and fun, but I just don't think he was quite on my level.  I'm not comedic genius, but there's nothing worse than saying a joke and having someone look at you slightly uncomprehending for about three seconds and then change the subject.  All I can think is what could you possibly like about me if you clearly don't get me?  I don't know, I'm baffled.  The biggest humor issue though is that he thinks "lolcats" are funny.  I don't, and I will harshly judge you if you do.  Based on this alone, Buffalo Bill's odds at a third date are really dwindling.  I'd have my money on this not making it to date five if I was you.

Lastly, my roommate just informed me that she found me sitting on my bed last night listening to John Mayer on repeat, talking about LE, eyes glazed over with alcohol.  THAT explains why I feel like death right now.