You're great, really. You're attractive-- probably in better shape than almost any man I've dated. You're successful-- if not the most successful man ($$ [ca-ching]) I've gone out with, you're in the top two or three. You're nice-- holding doors, grabbing the check without a second thought, asking my opinion on the restaurant. You drink a decent amount-- from references to SundayFunday to outdrinking me this Tuesday evening (a noble feat, especially considering I have off tomorrow and you do not). You travel-- I too appreciate a good beach vacation. You're intelligent-- I don't know too many graduates from top-tier schools. You dress well. You laugh at my jokes. You're close to your family.
Yet, I find myself un-attracted. Not repulsed, by no means repulsed. Just...not feelin' "it". And I'm sick and tired of not feelin' it. What the fuck is IT anyway? Who's to say what IT feels like? Why is IT so important? Why does IT take precedence over everything else? When everything else can add up to so much, how come the lack of IT can make it feel like so little? How is a whole not equal to the sum of its parts when the sum of its parts is more than a total package?
I'm so exhausted from going out on date after date after date with single, smart, attractive, wordly, men. And yes, I know, world's smallest violin is striking up a tune right now, I get it. But seriously. I can't tell if it's Them or if it's Me and either way what I can tell is that I'm getting nowhere fast. The closest I've come to starting anew with life post-LE is looking up disguises online
(like this one)
so I can continue to shop at Whole Foods, yet avoid the four men I've now dined with who also live in the area and frequent the lovely Bowery Street locale.
That's progress, right?? At least it's life moving in a direction (which may or my not be forward).
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