My cousin's grandmother on the other side, Marthe (lovingly and jokingly pronounced Marth-eee) was like another grandmom. She and my paternal grandmother (the infamous Bubbie) have been friends for almost 50 years, growing ever closer as they got older. Marthe has been at every family occasion and holiday throughout my life and I'm saddened for all of our loss in her passing.
At Marthe's funeral today, I began thinking about my own funeral. Now don't get me wrong here or take me out of context; people said beautiful things about her because she was a beautiful and lovely person. This always happens at funerals, as it should. They are a time to celebrate a life well-lived and a person well-loved. However when I pass, I want people to be totally honest about how they felt about me.
Don't go on about how nice I was. Don't sugar-coat my life. Don't pretend I was a great person, don't make my death into something more than it was, don't only mention the positive. If you hated how I'm OCD about loading the dishwasher in a specific format, don't forget it. If at one time we were living together and I blacked out and threw up in the shower and insisted the next day that someone else must have done it because I wasn't THAT drunk, still be annoyed with me. That was gross. If I over-use "haha" in text messages then I over-use "haha" in text messages. It was part of my character. If it drives BB completely nuts that my bedroom never gets more than 98% clean, he should be like "she was lazy and wasn't a great cleaner." Be true to me, that's all I ask. By all means, if you think I'm an asshole then say it. On second-thought, scratch that. If you think I'm an asshole then why are you coming to my funeral in the first place? But don't be afraid to say "Yes, we loved her. She was a good wife/mother/friend/sister. Did she have her faults? Absolutely. Did she drive me nuts from time to time? Without a doubt. But did she try, overall, to be a good and kind person? Yes. And so we will remember her truly and honestly." And that's it. That's all you need to say. (Wait-- that's all you need to say, but you have saaaay it in that sing-songy Jewish questioning everything tone.) Then I want everyone to start drinking and feel free to share funny stories about me...or not. The rest is up to you.
I also don't need a headstone or a mausoleum or a bench or anything commemorating me. I want to be cremated and scattered into the wind at all the different places in the world that I've visited and lived in and loved. Then, every time the wind blows, I'll be all around you no matter where you are.
Done.
I'm a simple girl, why wouldn't I want a simple ending?
(Irony people, it's called irony.)
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