In my last post, I made a joking reference to NY's slogan. This made me curious as to what it actually is (and disappointed that I didn't figure it out on my own), and so I sought out a list. As I was skimming through it, I couldn't help but to make sarcastic commentary about every single thing I read (as I often tend to do). So here-- find my thoughts after the ellipses.
Alabama: Where America Finds Its Voice...when it's drunk and feeling sort of racist.
Alaska: Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach...and keeping Sarah Palin far, far away.
Arizona: The Grand Canyon State...yup, we're still hawking that thing.
Arkansas: The Natural State...it's real and it's spectacular!
California: Find Yourself Here...we've been out-ing gays for over 100 years!
Colorado: Enter a Higher State...because possession of marijuana has been legal in Denver since 2005.
Connecticut: Full of Surprises...like did you know we have some Jews here now?
Delaware: It's Good Being First...especially when you can't be known for anything else.
District of Columbia: Taxation Without Representation...oh, there's supposed to be a "no" in front there?
Florida: Sunshine State...go towards the light!
Georgia: Georgia On My Mind...the confederacy in my heart
Hawaii: The Islands Of Aloha...which also means "goodbye", so please get the hell out of here and leave our native peoples alone.
Idaho: Great Potatoes. Tasty Destinations...great potahtoes. tasty destinations.
Illinois: Right Here Right Now...that's right. Illinois is challenging you to a fight.
Indiana: Restart Your Engines...because there's no way you meant to stop in Indiana.
Iowa: Fields Of Opportunities...I mean, did you know how many things you can do with corn?
Kansas: As Big As You Think...all thanks to those Canadian drugs we were emailed about.
Kentucky: Unbridled Spirit...unwed mothers
Louisiana: Fall In Love With Louisiana All Over Again...and ya know, if you wouldn't mind lending a hand when you're finished with that...
Maine: It Must Be Maine...Hi, we're in Deleware...
Maryland: Seize The Day Off...by slipping into DC
Massachusetts: Make It Yours...seriously, if you can buy out the Kennedy's, you can have the damn place.
Michigan: Getting The Upper Hand...because you know you're all jealous we got Detroit
Minnesota: Explore Minnesota...because it's still the fucking wilderness out here.
Mississippi: The South's Warmest Welcome...hell's known for being hot!
Missouri: The Cave State...as in "we're living in one here"
Montana: The Last Best Place...I think they meant they're the "last, best place", not the worst place.
Nebraska: The Good Life...we're what Kanye was rapping about.
Nevada: Wide Open...just like our hookers' legs. (Ah, cheap shot.)
New Hampshire: You're Going To Love It Here...says Kathy Bates in "Misery"
New Jersey: Come See For Yourself...come. Come. Really, come. Come or we'll break your fucking legs.
New Mexico: Land Of Enchantment...and reservations.
New York: I Love New York...I'm sorry, but how "New York" is it to have a slogan saying "I love myself"?? Unbelievable.
North Carolina: A Better Place To Be...than South Carolina.
North Dakota: Legendary...thanks to that movie "Fargo"
Ohio: So Much To Discover...I mean we don't have anything to sell you on right NOW, but we bet there's some good stuff hidden here.
Oklahoma: Oklahoma Is OK...we've seen better, but this is alright for what it is.
Oregon: We Love Dreamers...and gamers. Oregon Trail made us a fortune!
Pennsylvania: You've Got A Friend In Pennsylvania...more specifically, Philly or Pburgh-- the rest of the place is crawling with klansmen who probably hate you
Puerto Rico: Island of Enchantment...and militaristic arms testing.
Rhode Island: We Aren't Really An Island...and nobody rode us anywhere...
South Carolina: Smiling Faces Beautiful Places...corrupt government
South Dakota: Great Faces Great Places...we ripped off our name from North Dakota and our slogan from South Carolina
Tennessee: America At Its Best...if you consider "country music" the best of what America has to offer
Texas: It's Like A Whole Other Country...and that's the problem.
Utah: This Is Still The Right Place...?
Vermont: Vermont, Naturally...we stopped being blonde years ago
Virginia: Virginia Is For Lovers...which is ironic because we're named after NOT being lovers
Washington: Say WA!...-Snookie
West Virginia: Wild and Wonderful...and barefoot and pregnant.
Wisconsin: Live Like You Mean It...or whatever the words to that Tim McGraw song are...
Wyoming: Like No Place On Earth...so this must be hell
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