'Twas The Night After New Years

'Twas New Years Day, 2010 

Not a house guest was stirring, not even the men;

My stockings were hung on the arm of a chair,

Very drunk last night I probably tossed them there;

My good friends were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of champagne flutes danced in our heads;

Pizza on my nightstand, water there as well,

I foresaw a full day of feeling like hell,

When from last night’s clutch there arose such a clatter,

I groaned from the bed not caring what’s the matter.

Away towards the noise I crawled like a baby,

Had to stop the ringing driving me crazy.

The glow of the screen said my mom’s on the phone

Wanting to know what time train I’d planned to take home,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a clock telling me it’s time to get out of here,

With a little cab driver, so lively and quick,

I got to Penn Station in less than a tick.

Jealous of my friends all at home taking naps,

I took the Jersey Transit train feeling like crap;

"Now, Newark! Seacaucus! now, Rahway and Linden!

Elizabeth! Metuchen! to Hamilton and Princeton!

From northern New Jersey! last stop is Trenton!

Now watch the gap! board the train! stops where mentioned!"

Couldn’t look out the window my head was spinning,

If I had to throw up would the crowd start thinning?

I munched barbeque chips to stave off the shakes,

Needing to feel better whatever it takes.

How many dirty martinis did I drink?

At least enough to black out I’d have to think.

As I pondered ‘09’s big last night mysteries,

I knew from my parents I’d get no sympathies.

I wore BCBG, from my head to my feet,

My hair day was perfect, my makeup looked sweet;

But when twelve rolled ‘round I got no New Years kiss,

Because no man could come between a glass and my lips.

My eyes -- how they’re bloodshot! my crushed curls how frizzy!

Just writing this down is making me feel dizzy!

And then come the pictures on Facebook, oh my,

It’s like ’09 never happened, boy how time flies;

There are pregame photos of the Goose and Bull,

Patron shots runneth over, road soda cups full;

Then Grey Goose martinis and then champagne toasts,

If they gave prizes for vodka shots, we took the most.

All the liquor was flowing down from the top shelf,

And I laughed when I saw it, in spite of myself;

My wallet is empty, my hangover free,

Some big karmic joke after drinking heavily;

Now at my parents’ house and this part’s the worst,

All the food here is healthy, for chips I could burst,

Give me pasta or pizza, something really greasy,

I can’t eat this grilled chicken I need my bread cheesy;

 
Though my lids grow heavy, and I dare not look back,

Time to dream of the future, ’09 fades to black.

But I know I exclaimed, as I cheers-ed our good time,

"Happy New Years to all, 2010 will be mine."